Burn
by paraparadigm
Summary: Glad that Gilbert's finally returned from his mysterious Crusades with the Teutonic Knights, Elizaveta rushes to meet him in the same place they've played for years.But there's something different about her friend this time, something dark.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The Hetalia characters and series does not belong to me...I merely kidnap them temporarily.

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_**" I wanna leave and I wanna stay. And I'm so confused, so hard to choose between the pleasure and the pain."**_

It was never supposed to happen like this.

They were supposed to be friends to the end, even if they fought on occasion...But this, it just wasn't right. Gilbert had finally returned from his Crusades, but he wasn't the same. Where once there had been a leather band with a smooth rock that was cool to the touch around his throat there was now a heavy metal cross. His shoulders slumped forward and he would jump at the tiniest sound, ruby eyes widening as if he expected someone to jump straight out of the bushes.

But there was something about Gilbert's behavior that disturbed her more than anything.

He had taken to carrying a heavy sword at his back. Even now as they relaxed by the usual creek; her leaning back against a tree and staring up into the clear midsummer sky and he dangling from the branches up above, it was still there. It was a glistening silver thing with a ruby as bright as his eyes set into the pommel, and it looked far too deadly for her tastes.

And this was not to say that Elizaveta wasn't a fighter, she'd beaten Gilbert on more than one occasion after all... it was just that there should be no place for a weapon here. It was too peaceful, too gentle to be ruined by the presence of such a thing. But as she stared up at the young man that no longer seemed so young, she couldn't begrudge him what it was he wanted. There was something different in him now, something she didn't want to disturb. Like he had seen things no human should ever be forced to see.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She spoke without realizing it, light voice very nearly mixing into the gently sound of the creek. Above her was the rustling of leaves as Gilbert jumped down from between the branches to land crouched down right beside her.

"There's nothing to talk about." His voice had deepened in his absence, it added a sharper edge to his tone that made her cringe from the center of her chest. She idly reached a hand out towards him, her brows drawing together and emerald eyes narrowing as she analyzed his features. It wasn't but a moment before he swatted her hand away with a look of the most extreme agitation. Maybe it was just the stress, or the heat...But it didn't mean that she enjoyed this new attitude of his.

In fact, it very nearly infuriated her. She missed her dear wild and careless friend from before. There was no way that she knew the man that stood before her now.

"I know when you're lying to me Gil." Her fists clenched automatically at her side even as she forced herself to sit up to better glare at him. It was to be expected that he returned her dark look, a grin even daring to creep across his face.

"You should also know that it's not any of your business."

"Just because _you _get to go off on daring adventures all across the country doesn't mean you can come back and act like a stuck up know it all!"

"It doesn't take any daring to do what I have to do Eliza!" He promptly stood up and turned his back to her, only giving the already angered girl more reason for her fury. There was that damn sword set in place, hovering like some ever-present weight over him. For a moment she merely sat there and glared. She had wanted to go off with them...Wanted to be a Knight too...But no, she was a _woman_, and not fit for such things.

Well she could have fooled them if it wasn't for Gilbert.

He always was ruining her fun, her chances at a real life. Well she wasn't about to sit around and do nothing while the rest of the world took arms against each other in this new fight for religion. And even if she was quite fond of her gods, she had to admit that this whole Christianity gig had her intrigued at the very least. She'd show that boy just how tough she was!

With a merciless grin set in place she forced herself silently into a crouch, grateful that she'd thought to tie her heavy dress in a knot about midway up her thigh, and slowly she began to sneak closer to the seemingly oblivious Gilbert. She'd managed to get her hand around the hilt of his damnably heavy sword when he swung around and threw her up against the tree, pinning her there by her throat. Their eyes locked in that moment, a swift understanding was slammed into place.

Things would never be the same between them.

His arm shook but his grip did not loosen, her hands dug feebly at his arm and her feet just barely touched the soft ground as she struggled to keep her breath. And then he began to laugh. Low and menacing at first, but quickly rising in pitch and hysteria. Elizaveta began to panic, eyes wide as she struggled against him...She only ever had the advantage in a surprise attack, at least, that's how it went before. Besides, he _never_ held on for this long. There was normally one good hit and then the woot of triumph.

"Do you understand yet, Eliza?" His voice was still that creepily higher pitch which caused her heart to beat all the faster. "These are not the same as the games we played before." He held on for a moment longer before jerking his hand away which made her slump against the tree, gasping helplessly in a lame attempt to regain her breath. She glared up at him, hands shaking as they reached up to touch her throat which no doubt would be bruised with the the imprint of his hand within the hour.

They stayed like that only long enough for her to regain her breath, at which point hot tears of anger began to trickle out of her eyes as she began to speak in a horribly hoarse voice.

"I don't know what they've done to you Gil...But you're nothing but a cruel, heartless bastard now!" Again he began to laugh, striding forward and jerking her up by the front of her dress in the same breath. As might have been expected, her heart jumped and adrenaline rushed through her veins for fear of what he could do.

"Women shouldn't speak like men."

"You never used to care."

"I've learned differently."

"Well aren't men supposed to treat women like I don't know..._women_?"

"Act like one and I will!"

"Why? You always liked me better as a man!" Gilbert's ruby eyes narrowed, long strands of silver hair beginning to fall loose from the leather band that tied it back. His grip tightened for a moment on her dress, pulling her closer, their faces but a breath away from one another.

"What in the world would make you think that?" She didn't answer, in fact, she diverted her gaze, staring over his shoulder at the open fields around them. Perfectly alone, just like Roderich liked to warn her against. She began to figure that she would take that sensitive, frilly boy's advice every once in awhile. Even when it came to friends...She had sneaked out just meet Gilbert on his way home and this was how she got repaid.

She didn't like this.

Not one little bit.

"You haven't treated me the same since then!" It was true enough, whenever they'd figured out she was a girl, (it had been a complete accident on Gilbert's part), he'd stopped being so much fun. He started being careful with her. Started backing off. And nothing made her angrier than when someone treated her differently just because of her gender. It was positively infuriating.

"Pick what you want Eliza. Either you want to fight me like a man...Or you want me to treat you as I would a woman. Make up your mind already." Still his grip would not loosen, it didn't hurt, but her throat still did and it was enough to make her temper rise all the further. She saw no reason why she should have to choose. He should know when she wanted to fight and when she wanted to be treated with the faintest hint of kindness.

"I. Want. Both." At this Gilbert grinned, and it only stood to frighten and anger her further. It had never been like this before...

"You can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I know what I want." Well, that silenced her. What in the world had Gilbert been thinking about all this time? Did he want to treat her like he would any of his male comrades...Or was it that he could possibly...Maybe...Want to treat her like a woman? Judging by the closeness of their faces she was tempted to think the latter. But that was a girlish delusion and nothing more. So it was that she discounted it with the only way she knew how, a hint of derision and dark laughter.

"Well that's something new to me Gil, because for all of the years I've known you, you have _never_ known what you want." Okay, so maybe she shouldn't have gone there, but it wasn't as if she could have helped it. She didn't want to believe that he could have any feelings for her of that particular nature, mainly because she was pretty sure he didn't really have feelings other than the typical ones of male pride and competition.

"And I can't change?" She hadn't thought of it that way before, and with the way he was looking at her now...There was something there in those eyes that she hadn't noticed before. Some sort of strong glimmer that really didn't have anything to do with competitions or fighting. Like he'd grown up while he was away.

"I'm sure you can. But it's not what I would expect." That was honest enough.

"Well Eliza, you can't predict what someone will do _all_ the time. People change. Situations change. Life _changes_." This was nothing like the Gilbert that had left her with a sarcastic grin and a promise to bring her back some sort of treasure...Which, by the way, he hadn't. Her mind began flickering through all of the things that could have possibly happened to make him change in such a drastic way, but nothing really came to mind. Maybe it was on the account of the fact she'd never gone off to war on some sort of religious quest...Or any quest at all, but still...

It just wasn't right.

"I think you just need some rest Gil, you'll feel like yourself after we get home and get you cleaned up, and you have time to share everything you saw." She was rambling, just a little, but she couldn't quite help it. When she was nervous, (which was rare of course), she couldn't help herself. Just couldn't keep her mouth shut.

"I'm not going back there." Well, if that didn't shock Elizaveta into silence, nothing would. Her mouth opened just a tad in shock as she looked up at her oldest friend.

"Where in the world would you go?" Her voice was tremulous, she'd only just gotten him back...For him to leave again so soon, even if he was acting really strange. It wasn't right, wasn't fair.

"I don't know yet, but I'm not staying here." His grip on her dress slackened, and he set her down gingerly, straightening his posture and turning his gaze away from her. "After everything...I just can't stay here. Roderich's too soft to understand, and I heard rumor that I have a brother...I want to go find him." She most definitely was not expecting that, nor the words that next escaped her mouth.

"Take me with you Gil." Her voice was slowly regaining strength, as was she. "If you aren't staying, then neither am I. We can find your brother, and you can teach me to fight...And we don't have to be apart again, okay?" He looked down on her, with an incredulous smirk already set in place. It was like he was tempted to say all that he'd already said again. That she couldn't handle life outside of this secluded, gentle place. That a part of him wanted to show her just how dark the world really was.

And a part of him that didn't want to go out there alone. So it was that he tucked the loose strands of his silver hair behind his ears and answered with a surprisingly light-hearted chuckle.

"Fine, you can come with me. You'd just better not act like a girl." The sad truth of it was that he wanted nothing more in the world.

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_Thanks for reading! To be continued! _


	2. Chapter 2

**_"I felt a little fear on my back, I said don't look back, just keep on walking."_**

For the first time in nineteen years, Elizaveta cut her hair.

She could have cried as the heavy brown waves fell in a somewhat liberating pool around her feet. Gilbert had told her that it was necessary, had to make it just short enough to pass for a fashionable young man...All the same, it was like watching a part of her be cut away. She could never be the same woman.

She hardly even looked like a woman at this point. Her hair clung just a little bit below her chin, it still held a bit of a wave to it...but she looked more like a youth of hardly sixteen than the grown woman she had become. And then she gave herself a stern glare into her makeshift mirror of polished silver and reprimanded her foolish behavior as that of a child.

This was precisely what she had wanted after all. And Gilbert had been kind enough to allow her to come along...not that she wouldn't have ended up following him or anything, but it was a nice change of pace to have permission before forgiveness.

And after his strange behavior in the past hours, perhaps it would be easier this way...

Well, all she could really do was hope on that subject. And to stop standing around like a brainless loaf and get her things together already! Not to mention, clean up that daunting pile of hair now in the middle of her floor. In fact, she was in the middle of just that when there came a rough tapping at her door followed by the tell-tale creak of it opening right up.

"Eliza, I know that it's been a long day, but-" The words never finished leaving Roderich's intruding mouth once he caught site of his friend standing in her bedroom with a beaten up old broom and boyishly short hair. His face flashed a furious shade of crimson in what could only be a strange mixture of incredulous surprise and a gentleman's fury.

"Umm..." It was one of those rare moments when she couldn't find the proper words to fill the palpably awkward silence. She really should learn to lock her door...Hadn't thought that anyone, let alone Roderich, would be coming up to bother her this evening. Not after she had huffily announced that Gilbert was acting terribly rude and immediately heading out once more on another unmentionable quest. "Hi Roderich?"

Another long moment of embarrassed silence stood firmly in place before the tall and flustered black haired man managed to form some semblance of a response.

"What is it that you think you are doing?" His heavily voice was like the thump of an ancient tome being slammed shut in a professor's impatient agitation. It was enough to make Eliza firmly place her hands on her hips and give the uppity man a stern glare of female resolution.

"I'm making some fashion changes. After everything that's happened today, I figure it's time I change things up a bit." This time, it was but a moment before he responded.

"You're running off with that..._ruffian_...Aren't you?" It was no secret that there was no love lost between the two men. A long standing rivalry that had started over a paltry argument as children and escalated to nothing less than a full out competition as they aged. Which was strange enough considering that Roderich thought that such "base behavior" was below his high breeding.

High breeding that did him no good when he and his family had exiled themselves to this small country estate when things were looking bad for the monarchy back home.

"It's none of your business either way." She huffed her response, abandoning her broom and letting it fall to the floor as she decided to start tossing some of her spare clothes into her old rucksack from her childhood days. Not that the clothes would do much good since they were still quite obviously feminine in nature, but they would do until she and Gil got to a place where they could get her more "proper" ones.

Strangely enough, Roderich didn't back down like she had come to expect him to. In fact, he took two more strides into her room, just a bit closer than before, but it was nothing like that annoying intoxicating presence that Gilbert possessed, _no_, he was just plain annoying. A fact that grated on Eliza's already frayed nerves.

"Of course it is. After everything that I...That my family has done for you...You're just going to throw it away for what? _Some girlish wish to traipse about the countryside and get yourself killed_? I won't say that I've ever understood you Eliza, but at the very least I have done more to watch out for you than that brat has!"

It was only to be expected that Eliza promptly walked up to the flustered man and slapped him directly across the face with all of the force she could possibly muster. Which, for the record, was a lot more force than most women and Roderich could muster.

"Let's get one thing straight, I don't owe _you_ anything. I'm thankful that your family took me and Gilbert in, but we didn't ask for it, and we could have done just fine the way we were. _You're_ just scared of being here all alone since your parents took back off to court, and you know that _no one _else is going to possibly put up with your overbearing arrogance!" For a moment, she was shocked that she had actually said that all out loud. But, it didn't make it any less true.

She and Gilbert would have been fine on their own. It was merely a childish whim for a semblance of a family that they had ended up here in the first place. When both of their families and had been brought down in front of them...It was all they could hope for at the time. Not to mention the fact that they were guaranteed to _not _starve to death that way.

And they had had some fun living here. But...they both liked their freedom. It was "propriety" and something that Eliza couldn't quite name that had barely stopped her from following after her friend in the first place.

"If that's how you feel Eliza, then I suppose that there's really no stopping you." Roderich quietly straightened his heavily rimmed glasses upon the bridge of his nose as he looked down at her with oddly somber amethyst eyes. "I would only ask that...That you be careful out there, even if you intend upon acting like a man, there are some things no one should ever be forced to see." He turned on his heel as if he were going to walk right back out of her room with all the same casualty that he'd strode in with, and then he paused for but a breath. "And if all else fails...Please know that the doors are always open for your return."

"And will they remain open for Gilbert as well?" She couldn't help but to add that sentiment with all the uncomfortable bitterness in her heart. There was nearly an instant change in Roderich's bearing at that statement, it was as if his entire body went rigid. And when he spoke, it was curt, a sharp tone that would have cut icicles from the strongest perch in the depth of winter.

"They should never have opened for him in the first place."

"I would never return without him, you know that." She couldn't abandon him, not when he was all she had had for so long, and if that meant demolishing her only other friendship, then so be it.

"I know that all too well Eliza."

"Then you know I'm never coming back?" There was an odd trembling in her voice as she said those words. Even with everything, all of the animosity, this place had been _home_. A warm, safe place for her to crawl into bed and let her thoughts wander, the place she had basically grown up. And here she was vowing to never return once she walked outside into the muggy summer evening.

It left her with a strangely hollow feeling in the center of her chest.

"I know." His voice wasn't perhaps, _so_ cutting this time, as if her were trying to soften the blow even if it was only by the tiniest increment. Funny considering all the damage she was doing by taking part in all of this.

"Are you...Are you going to miss me?" It was out of a nervous habit that she tucked what little remained of her bangs behind her ears. Eliza could have sworn that she _heard_ Roderich's smile at her words. Difficult to tell when his back was turned to her.

"More than you will ever know Eliza...Now, I suppose you had best finish packing, it wouldn't be wise to leave after dark." He began to start for the door once more, but she couldn't quite help the words that escaped her mouth when he reached the doorway.

"Thank you, for everything."

"My pleasure."

_****xxxxx****_

It would be a lie to say that Gilbert wasn't expecting Roderich's petulant storm out of the front steps of the house and towards the garden where he was waiting. And it would be a lie to say he wasn't pleased with the fading pink imprint of Eliza's hand on the shorter man's snobbish face. In fact, he was pretty sure this day was turning out to be a lot better than he thought it'd be.

"Lost another fight did you?" He couldn't contain the sharp, barking laughter that escaped his throat as Roderich glared the short distance up at his face. Apparently he had grown in his absence, oh well, it didn't make him any stronger.

"Much better than using a young woman to my own warped needs." It really was quite difficult to take him seriously when he was forced to look around those super thick glasses. Just made the whole situation relatively laughable.

"Oh ho ho, someone has got their pantaloons in a bunch haven't they?" Gilbert crossed his arms as he leaned casually back against his favorite old tree, gaze sliding down his nose to haphazardly appraise the angered aristocrat. A gesture that merely made Roderich's face flash crimson with annoyance and for his fragile artist's hands to clench in unfamiliar fists.

Roderich was relatively sure he'd never been so mad at someone in his entire life.

"I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but if you had any sort of honorable intentions you wouldn't be encouraging Eliza to act like a heathen and to dress like a man."

"She's doing it of her own free will." Gilbert's grinning retort was laced with the darkest shade of sarcasm that he could possibly manage. "And who's to say that my intentions aren't _honorable_? I am a Knight nowadays after all."

"And I wouldn't hesitate to say that the sword at your back has been stained with innocent blood on more than a handful of occasions." Gilbert's ruby eyes narrowed at that, though he managed to contain the urge to show his old rival just how much blood he could spill on his blade.

"You're lucky I'm in a good mood today." He snapped his response, not wanting anymore of this conversation. That good mood he had mentioned was fading at a far more rapid rate than he really cared to admit.

"There really is no speaking logic to you, is there?" Roderich sighed in the way of a man that had already grown tired of his life. A well earned sigh that's for sure...He was going to be all alone now after all. A big empty house filled with nothing but relatively empty headed marionette servants.

"Looks like you finally understand, maybe we should give you a medal, eh?" At the glaring match that ensued after that worded gauntlet, neither man noticed the soft padding of Elizaveta's doeskin boots on the soft summer grass. And neither man noticed the internal conflict that flashed in her emerald eyes as she looked between them.

They did however, notice when she promptly reached up and knocked their thick skulls together in agitation.

"I should have guessed that you two would be fighting." Both men opened their mouths as if to refute their actions but she merely held up her hands in the international gesture of silence. "I don't care which one of you started it, but I would have hoped that you two could have acted like adults on this of all days. Now, I want you to shake hands like two _decent_ men so that we can all part in a seemingly friendly manner."

When both Gilbert and Roderich gave her a look of shocked disbelief she gave them both her best glare to show that she meant business. And amazingly enough, both men managed to grasp the other's hand, (though she was sure there was a fair bit of squeezing on both sides), after which they quickly wiped their hands upon their clothes and resumed glaring at one another.

"Well, I don't know about you two, but I feel a thousand times better." Eliza practically grinned from ear to ear. But it was in such a way that it was still blatantly obvious that she was a complete woman. A fact that was encouraging for one party and frightening for another. "Now that all of our business is taken care of...I guess we should be on our way, eh Gil?"

"Sounds good to me." Gilbert couldn't help the triumphant grin that he shot at the still flustered Roderich, he was the one going off with Eliza after all. And that fact alone was enough to make up for any losses he had had over the past years. In fact, this was his ultimate trump card. And what made it all the better was the fact that Eliza was making it so easy!

"Guess this is it Roderich...Thanks again, and take care of yourself, okay?" Eliza couldn't help the awkward smile that came to her, this was a strangely uncomfortable situation after all. But then again...Just ahead of her was the possibility for everything she had ever hoped for, and it was that fact alone that made this weird parting bearable.

"You do the same...And my offer still stands," Roderich's glance jumped to Gilbert but for a moment as he spoke. "No matter what happens."

It was those words that finally forced Gilbert to throw Eliza over his shoulder like he would a sack of potatoes before depositing her atop his deep brown stallion and shooting Roderich a farewell smirk as he mounted right behind her. A moment of panic alighted in Eliza's chest as Gilbert kicked the beast into a full out run, she was hardly able to hold on to the little bag she had brought. It was all she had left of her personal possessions after all...And of course, Gilbert hadn't taken the time to secure them.

It was dreadfully typical.

The wind swept through what was left of her once long hair, and her eyes drifted shut at the strange feeling that swept through her. It was nearly like she was flying. For this moment she could forget all the other stuff that had been hounding her all day. The uncertainty...The annoyance...The fear that she was somehow throwing everything out of balance.

For the moment she was wonderfully and blessedly free.

Even with Gilbert's hands clasped around hers on the reins.

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_~To be continued ;D_


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